30 for 30
Reflections, lessons, takes, mantras.
Today, I turn 30 years old.
I’m a routinely reflective person. This type of mental marination usually intensifies around New Year's Eve, birthdays, or at various life milestones. Not sure if you’ve heard, but the experience of turning 30 is a totally unique and cataclysmic one!
Pop culture is filled with anti-turning 30 propoganda. Today is supposed to be the first day of the last days of my life. A washed king. Certified unc status. And other cliches.
However, I haven’t been dreading the occasion as many do. Each year that I’ve grown older, especially throughout my 20’s, has been a positive step forward. Some years feel incrimental and others are transformational. Regardless of the setbacks, wins, or unpredictable twists that each turn of the calendar may bring, I personally feel like I understand and appreciate myself more as time passes, and that is something I continue to look forward to with anticipated gratitude.
As I begin to embark on this next chapter of life, I happen to already be deeply amidst a season of change that has had me ruminating often. So, in an exercise of vulnerability and in service of my ongoing goal to be more authentic, I offer this collection of life lessons, personal reflections, things I wish I could tell my younger self, and the reminders that I still reinforce to myself with each look in the mirror.
An important disclaimer: None of this is one-size-fits-all. I am admittedly mostly generalizing. Don’t overanalyze, nitpick, or “bean soup” this piece. There’s plenty of context and nuance in my other work for you to enjoy.
30 thoughts as I turn 30
Be the person who reaches out. For the invite. For the check-in. For the condolences. Even if you haven’t heard from them in forever. Don’t let your pride get in the way.
Do it alone. Solo travel. Trips to the theater. Attend the concert. Make the dinner reservation for one. What or who are you waiting on? One day, you’ll look back and regret not taking full advantage of your freedom.
Social media is performative. Curated posts. Filters. Algorithms. Highlight reels. Remember that the next time you’re doomscrolling.
Everyone should go to therapy. Seriously. Do it. You will regret not going sooner.
Become a regular at your local bar or cafe. Tip well. Get to know the workers’ names. It’s a great way to meet people and create a sense of belonging. If you’re not a regular asshole, they’ll appreciate your continued presence.
Everyone is operating on their own timelines with varying starting points. Don’t compare yourself to others and give yourself some grace. You’ll be feeling stuck, criticizing where you’re at in life, meanwhile, someone is likely observing you in admiration of where you’re at and how you conduct yourself.
People can change. If they want to. Do you have the patience to support it, despite the likely stumbles along the way?
It’s cool to care about things. Pretending you don’t care about things or don’t like to try is lame.
It’s important to maintain your independence and sense of individual self when in a relationship. It’s healthy and important to your development as people.
The more senior a person is in a meeting, the less prepared they usually are. Everyone is short on time. They’re even sometimes basically winging it. So you can relax a bit.
It is better to have been a late bloomer than to have peaked in high school.
Learn to detach your sense of identity from your work. It can sound hard when you’re committing 50 plus hours a week to it, but much of what happens at work is out of your control, and it’s easy to allow the highs and lows to influence the other parts of your life. Make sure your hobbies, interests, and passions are similarly foundational to who you are.
Time is a privilege. Pay for the services or advocate for the work benefits that allocate you the most ownership over your time.
Learn how to fail. And then learn how to identify the lessons in the failure. Treating failure as something you can grow from will convince you to take more risks in life.
Summit cringe mountain. Everyone is out here making a fool of themselves every day. No one is really going to remember it as much as you do anyway. You’re not going to look back on your deathbed and regret the times that made you cringe.
Learning and growth consistently happen outside your comfort zone.
The cure to loneliness is touching grass and/or plugging into community. These activities get you out of your own head.
Timeless fashion staples will always trump seasonal trends. It’s not only the sustainable choice, but it’s easier to develop a personal style that way.
You will feel so much better once you’ve done the thing you’ve been putting off, dreading, or stressing about. Regardless of the outcome. Rip the band-aid and get it done.
Coming home to a dog and that form of unconditional love is the best feeling in the world and will never get old.
Show up. You can overcome deficits in money, status, and skill by being the person who shows up. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t belong.
Things that happened to you when you were younger will continue to impact you when you’re older. Those scars won’t heal. All you can learn to do is find healthy ways to limit their lingering effect on your day-to-day.
Holding on to petty one-sided grudges from forever ago is a waste of time and energy. Let that shit go.
Everyone is dealing with some kind of internal struggle you know nothing about, despite outward appearances. And remember to give yourself the same grace you would offer them.
The voice in your head will routinely be your loudest and worst critic.
Weird is cool. Uniqueness and authenticity are superpowers. Fitting in and going with the flow will always be easier. But take the road less traveled and stand out.
Art or content, in all of its forms, is comparable to food. There’s fine dining, fast food, and everything in between. You can enjoy filet mignon or McDonald’s, but not every day.
A handwritten note never fails. A quick, thoughtful gesture that can often leave an impression that’s hard to forget.
Take more pictures. Not for the internet, but for you. Save them. Cherish them.
Driver gets dibs on aux. First time at someone’s place = don’t show up empty-handed. Put the commitment or reminder in your calendar ASAP. Give more compliments. Call your parents. Journal more. Take the scenic route.
The future is a blank canvas. I have no idea what the future holds, for the world, let alone my small sliver of it. Somehow, I simultaneously find that terrifying and liberating. Tomorrow has the opportunity to be unlike anything I’ve experienced thus far. In fact, there’s no guarantee tomorrow arrives at all.
My goal is to take advantage of the freedom and operate with agency. Striving to continue slowly building a better world for myself, those I share it with, and those who will come after I’m gone. That beautiful struggle continues.
Want to help me celebrate the occasion? The best birthday gift you can give me is to support my growing independent media project. Subscribing is free, requires only an email address, and helps boost my work in the algorithm. You could also consider sharing with a friend who likes to swim in the deep ends of politics, sports, and culture. Your supporting this work will only help to create more opportunities for me in this space, and I have exciting plans here which I’m working towards every day.
With gratitude,
Stephen